Friday, May 6, 2016

Top Tips #BEDM

Day 6 of #BEDM is Top Tips. Because of what is going on in my life with a possible divorce lingering, I wanted to share 6 tips I found on Huffington Post.

#1 - Go it alone.
"Most people think, 'I need my spouse to work with me to fix our marriage.' But it does not take two to tango. One person's effort can change the momentum of a marriage, and very often, it's that effort that motivates the obstinate spouse to join in the process of saving the relationship."

#2 - Stop asking yourself the wrong question.
"Many people wonder, 'Did I marry the right person?' But that's the wrong question. The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found. Love is not a mystery. Just as there are physical laws of the universe - like gravity, which governs flight - there are also relationship laws that, depending on your behavior, dictate the outcome of your marriage. You don't have to be 'lucky in love.' It's not luck; it's choice."

#3 - Know that absence does not make the heart grow fonder.
"That might have been true in junior high school when you went away for the summer. But in marriage, particularly in a broken marriage, absence separates people. It creates distance, and that's the opposite of what we're trying to achieve, which is closeness."

#4 - Don't talk about your problems.
"Talking about the problems in a marriage doesn't resolve them; it makes them worse. It leads to arguments and bad will. Besides, you'll never talk yourself out of a problem that you behaved yourself into. Marriages change because people change. Say little; do much. Speak in the vocabulary of your actions. New choices resolve marital problems; discussions don't."

#5 - Don't think marriage counseling is the answer.
"Marriage counseling does not work in most situations. The success rate is dismal. Most couples report being worse off after marriage counseling. One of the reasons relates to talking about the problems."

#6 - Don't talk to family or friends about your situation.
"One of the most important values in a marriage is privacy; therefore, it's a mistake to talk about your marriage or your spouse to family or friends. It's a violation of your spouse's privacy and it's wrong."

1 comment:

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