“I Did Not Break Up Claire and Jeremy (Excerpt)” by Erin O’Riordan

I tried not to stare at her, but I knew who she was. Girls In Tuxedos had just come out, and Claire Hamilton was the hot indie actress of the moment. There she was at my coffee spot, sitting at the corner table, opening a bottled iced coffee. I’m always amazed at the way women with false nails do the little things, like twisting the cap off a bottle. Femme wasn’t really my thing. Claire bent her fingers out of the way and twisted, using only the palm of her hand, with practiced deftness.

After taking a drink, Claire went to set the bottle down on the edge of the table, next to her newspaper. As she did, she knocked her tote bag onto the floor. Papers spewed forth.

Instinctively, I jumped out of my hard-won place in the middle of the line and reached for the papers. I’m such a sucker for a damsel in distress. I managed to scoop up most of them before they fell out of the tote.

“Thanks,” she said, flashing me her crooked smile. “I get a little clumsy before I’ve had my first bottle of the morning.” Her Brooklyn accent stood straight out.

“No biggie,” I said coolly.

I could tell she was a native, and I bet she already had me pegged as a transplant from the Midwest.

I got back in line. The wait was long, but eventually I got my lemon poppy seed muffin and green tea chai latte. I was about to sit down when I felt Claire’s hand on my shoulder. She invited me to sit at her table.

We had a nice conversation. I hadn’t known that she was married to Jeremy Reed. In fact, when she told me his name, it didn’t even ring any bells. The kinds of adventure and crime stories he gets cast in aren’t really my cup of tea.

“We have two kids,” she told me. “Aidan, our boy, is eight, and his sister Glory is not quite five. I love them, but I desperately need some time to myself.”

I was surprised at the intimate details of her life she poured out to me, a stranger in a coffee shop, as if we’d become instant friends. She didn’t have a lot of girlfriends, she said. We exchanged numbers, but I didn’t think she would actually call me.

But she did. We had lunch two Saturdays after we met. We sat in a very private booth in a restaurant I never could have gotten into by myself. I’d glammed up a little for the occasion, donning a black and white dress and letting my black hair hang down my back. I even put on a little lipstick.

“I like the dress,” Claire said, boosting my confidence enough for me to pretend I belonged there.

Over salad, Claire told me that she and Jeremy were getting separated. “You’re lucky,” she told me, her pretty face full of pain. “You never got married. One minute you’re in love with a guy, and the next thing you know, you can’t get away from him fast enough.”

I nodded. “It’s the same way with girls, really.”

She laughed, but then started to cry. I moved over to her side of the table and put my arm around her. I was being sympathetic, not making a pass. I think she understood. After lunch, we split a cab. My building was closer, and as I was getting out, she leaned in and kissed me.

I knew I probably shouldn’t have, but when Claire’s lips touched mine, I closed my eyes and kissed her right back. The heat from her body and the lovely scent of her perfume overpowered my sense of reason, and I put my soul into that kiss. My fingers played lightly through her blonde hair. In a moment it was over.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know it’s not a good time. I really do like you, Crystal.”

“I like you, too,” I whispered back.

I stepped out of the cab and went up to my apartment. I spent the rest of the afternoon lying on my back across the bed, waiting for the phone to ring.

Her call came at eleven. We talked until dawn. By morning I was in love with Claire Hamilton, and I think she was in love with me.

Claire and Jeremy made their separation legal. They took turns taking care of Aidan and Glory. She got her own apartment. I spent more time there than I did at my own apartment. Lacking any alternative words, little Glory started calling us both “mama.” I’d never aspired to being a mama, but I was devoted to Claire. I grew to love the children dearly.

One day we took Glory and Aidan to the zoo. Afterward we dropped them off at Jeremy’s penthouse. He lived in a beautiful old building. When we walked through the door, Jeremy sat in an armchair, dressed from neck to Italian shoes in black. He looked stylish and forbidding.

Claire walked around the penthouse as if she still lived there. I stayed a step behind her, hoping she would formally introduce me to Jeremy. But when I met Jeremy’s eyes, I could tell that he wasn’t interested in being cordial. His cold blue eyes spoke of hate. He said nothing to me or to Claire, but asked Aidan, “How did you like the zoo?”

I slunk toward the door, but Claire caught me by the arm.

“It’s hot today,” she said. “I’d like to freshen up a little.” She looked at Jeremy. “That okay with you?”

He didn’t look at her, but sort of grunted a yes. Aidan told him all about the elephants as Glory went straight for the toy box.

“Nice view,” I said, pretty much to myself, as I looked out the window. My eyes shifted to the powder room door. I hoped Claire would hurry.

I noticed a pretty inlaid wooden table in an alcove. There was a chessboard on the table. I took a step in its direction and saw that the pieces looked old. Perhaps it was a Reed family heirloom. I wanted to ask, but I was frozen silent by those blue eyes.

Claire emerged with her makeup fixed. Jeremy looked at her briefly and sighed. She kissed the kids goodbye. If she said goodbye to Jeremy, I didn’t hear it. We walked to the curb and caught a cab.

In the car I told her, “I feel guilty about breaking up your family.”

She laid her hand in my lap, and I stroked it gently. “We were already breaking up,” she said. “I could never be myself in that penthouse. You let me be myself. I love that about you.

I kissed her. “Was he good to you?”

“Always,” she said. From her look, I knew she didn’t want to talk about it.

“Good,” I said. “Because if he wasn’t, I was going to have to put him in his place.”

I’d tried to make her laugh, but all she managed was a smile.

“I don’t know,” she said. “You’re tough, but I still think he could take you. It’d be a good fight, though.”

“You’re a little bit turned on thinking about it, aren’t you?”

“A little bit,” Claire said. “Is that weird?”

What was weird was that I was the other woman in Claire and Jeremy’s relationship. I never imagined that I’d be an “other woman.”

Jeremy said his first words to me, tersely, over the phone. “Come and pick up Aidan and Glory at eleven,” he said in his chilly English accent. He hung up. I didn’t even get in an “okay.” At ten thirty, Claire was still at brunch with some producer. I would have to go alone.

The doorman brought me up in the elevator, and Jeremy opened the door. “Come in,” he said, sounding civilized for once. The doorman’s presence helped.

I stepped inside and my eyes fell once again on the chess set. Impulsively I asked, “Do you play chess?”

He was caught off guard, and so paused, then nodded. “I tried to teach Claire once, but she didn’t seem interested, and didn’t have the head for it anyway. When Aidan’s old enough, I’ll teach him.” Reflexively we both looked over at the little boy playing with plastic dinosaurs on the carpet. “Do you play?” Jeremy asked me, looking back at the chess set.

“I have played before,” I said casually as Glory came over to me.

“Perhaps we’ll have a game sometime,” he said, smirking.

I reached out to smooth Glory’s blonde hair back into place. “Mom,” she said, rolling her eyes. I’d embarrassed her.

Jeremy’s expression fell. He hurriedly finished getting Aidan ready and showed me and the kids out the door without saying anything else. I got the message loud and clear.

He softened, however, one day when Claire and I dropped in unannounced to see Aidan and Glory. My girlfriend, in her elegant black slacks and matching sweater, got down on the carpet and played checkers with her little girl while her son pretended to be cooking her a meal on an invisible stove. She seemed happy then, and I was happy watching her, wondering what Aidan would make for me. We looked like a complete family then, the four of us, kids and moms. The kitchen door opened, and Jeremy appeared.

“Crystal, would you give me a hand?”

“Sure.” Once behind the kitchen door, I added, “I didn’t think you knew my name.”

“Crystal Johnson,” he said, showing off. On the counter sat five identical plastic cups of apple juice. He needed a hand carrying refreshments. I put a cup in each hand, and stood for a split second considering how we’d manage the fifth.

“Crystal Johnson,” Jeremy repeated. “That’s a funny name for a lesbian. You sound like an expensive dildo.” He laughed, then suddenly looked serious. Then he backed me up against the counter and kissed me, hands holding onto my arms so I couldn’t push him away.

I’d never kissed a man before. It wasn’t totally unpleasant; he seemed to know how. Still, the idea was a little ridiculous to me, and I found myself laughing as I got out, “You’re barking up the wrong tree.”

He looked hurt, but let me go. “Why?”

“Why? Because I’m completely gay. I feel the way that you would feel if you kissed a man. Anyway, I love your w--Claire.” I stared directly into his eyes, and he seemed to understand. He deftly picked up two cups with one hand. As he turned toward the door, he said, “Let’s play.”

“I told you I didn’t want to. . .”

“Chess,” he said, cutting me off. He smiled.

We sat on the fancy leather sofa, sipping apple juice from plastic cups. Claire looked adorable, holding the plastic cup in her delicately manicured hands and sharing her juice with Aidan when he’d finished his. I decided not to say anything to Claire about the way Jeremy acted in the kitchen. No need to get her upset and ruin this happy little scene.

“I think we’ll play a game of chess,” Jeremy said to Claire.

She made a face. “You know I hate that game.”

“Crystal likes it,” he said. “I hope she’s fairly good, too. I could use a challenge.”

We went over to the alcove and sat. Aidan followed, looking with great interest at the board. “Dad, can I play?” he asked.

“Watch, and you may learn how,” Jeremy told him. Aidan pulled a wooden chair away from a writing desk and sat, feet dangling above the floor. As the game started, Claire and Glory wandered over to watch. We looked like a family then, the five of us.