Thursday, November 11, 2010

Verbs By Kathy Thomas **Guest Blogger**

By Kathy Thomas
I have three sons. My three sons. These three sons are from two different papas. These three sons are different, yet in many ways very much alike. All three of my sons have filled my heart with joy. All three have filled my heart with indescribable pain. It is hard to watch the silly boys I knew don their man-suit in the real world. I am amazed how many times I hear “Ohhh Mom…” in that exasperated tone, only to hear a year later they have adopted exactly what we had spoken of. Maybe they heard it from somewhere else. Then it made sense.
Lesson # 1
Don’t stop speaking female to your sons. It is not about seeing immediate results.
Raising these three without a Dad in the house has given me the opportunity to coach tee ball, learn how to overhand pitch a fastball, skateboard, laugh real loud, scream real loud, run (still do), skate, ice skate, ski, water board, surf (well I paddle real well), wander, throw and skip stones, fix cars, understand engines and small motors, plumbing, some electrical, some technical computer stuff. Fishing requires patience. It is a great way to teach it. Knots you know. Tricky. Sewing is great because it comes with a machine. I refused to paintball. I will always be opposed to guns. It is what makes me a gentle person. Won’t give it up. Nope.
Lesson #2
Boys are active and require much cool stuff to operate.
Crying is not sissy stuff, boys do it just fine. Always my sons have looked for the justice in everything. “That’s not fair!” Exploring justice explores relationships. So does skipping rocks and road trips. One day driving through a large city during a long move one son pipes up “Mom are we in hell again?” Another upon finding my explanation of my pregnancy and his upcoming new sibling unacceptable (you know Mommy has a baby in her tummy) asked me “What did you do, eat it?!!!!” And so there was a little straightening out needed.
Lesson #3
Boys are literal. Watch what you do and say.
After a particularly exhausting day of running and hiding and pulling another son out of oncoming traffic in a small town on a rural highway, I was informed he could stop traffic, as he was a superhero. I brought him to my car and asked him to lift it. Cocksure, he strutted up with his 5 year old magnificence and was really shocked when he couldn’t do it.
I was told one of my grandsons had a meltdown this Halloween when he put on his Ironman costume and couldn’t fly. Hmmm. My daughter thought perhaps he should be tested for insanity. No, I said. That is imagination. Boys have a lot of it. Probably the reason it is a man’s world. They are better visualizers.
Lesson #4
Boys believe bullshit.
Now none of this is meant to surprise or enchant. This is the best stuff in the world because it is experience. I could not make this up if I tried.

Raising sons is an important job. The peace in our world depends upon their mothers. So we can depend upon them. Develop relationships, not demands. Teach character in the little things which can be learned through the best little thing of all. Love. Love endlessly, forgive endlessly and hope endlessly. Chase them down the path. With kisses. No matter what the world hands them, no matter what stupid things they do, preach responsibility.
When it is most scary, give them to God and kick them out. Be strong and believe in love. Pray. Don’t forget that sometimes we have to give them back.
And when you feel as if there is no change and things are the darkest, well then they may do an about face and just wake up to the world and life and all the stuff you have been telling them and showing them all their lives.
No matter how angry they get, they always love Mom, if Mom has always loved them. However, if you have been motive driven and unkind, they will be the first to dismiss you. For a long time.
Keep on loving them. Then when you least expect it, they might give you a grandchild to show all those pictures of them in their capes to.
And then you can speak of matters large and small, of hopes and dreams, of funny things just like you did way back when on the side of that river, skipping rocks.

Visit Kathy's blog HERE.

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